I have the unfortunate tendency to pronounce words wrong. I mean, I’m an English major and I’m good at it. When I was in fifth grade, I was the ultimate winner of Cow Dictionary. I think there were only five times or less that someone else won. The first round we ever played was a practice round and I was eliminated first and it was humiliating so I vowed never to do that again. Though one word does evade me always, kindergarten or kindergarden. “D” or “T”? I still don’t know.
Example One: My mom was driving with my sister sitting up front and me in the back. I was browsing through a magazine and came upon a word I didn’t know the definition.
Me: Mom, what does libido mean? *pronounced li-bid-do.
Mom: Excuse me?
Lauren: Oh my God.
Mom pulls over while her and my sister are choking on their laughter.
Mom: It’s li-bee-do and it means sex drive.
Lauren: You’re dumb.
Example Two: This happens all of the time so there’s no general timeframe, but I cannot pronounce the word “compromise.” I call it com-promise as in “com” and the word “promise.” I don’t know why the word isn’t just like that because it makes much more sense, but apparently whoever came up with compromise, couldn’t compromise and wanted a fancy pronunciation.
Me: WHOA! *wow-a*
My friend Bobby: What?
Bobby: It’s just whoa. There’s no “a.”
Me: There’s an “a” in the spelling.
Bobby: Just don’t talk.
Example Four: At a funeral.
Me: Mom is putting on her nurse facade. *hard “c”
Lauren: A what?
Me: A facade.
Lauren: It’s facade. *soft “c”.
Me: My whole life has been altered.
That’s Katja creeping in the background. Where she belongs!! Just kidding Katja!
Also, I should be famous. I would be the best famous person. Not only do I have astronomical talents, but I have a slightly diva attitude that would work well in that industry. Plus, my personality is definitely larger than life that feels contained sometimes just living this life of a college student. People just don’t understand me. When I say I’m going to be famous they just look at me and walk away.
Angst. Angst. Like that Potter Puppet Pals. See, I’m perfect for theatre!