How Do You Say…?

I have the unfortunate tendency to pronounce words wrong. I mean, I’m an English major and I’m good at it. When I was in fifth grade, I was the ultimate winner of Cow Dictionary. I think there were only five times or less that someone else won. The first round we ever played was a practice round and I was eliminated first and it was humiliating so I vowed never to do that again. Though one word does evade me always, kindergarten or kindergarden. “D” or “T”? I still don’t know.

Let me just say, I am a champion speller and that just proves it, except for the very last thing I mentioned. But I cannot pronounce words correctly for the life of me.

Example One: My mom was driving with my sister sitting up front and me in the back. I was browsing through a magazine and came upon a word I didn’t know the definition.

Me: Mom, what does libido mean? *pronounced li-bid-do.

Mom: Excuse me?

Lauren: Oh my God.

Me: Li-bid-do

Mom pulls over while her and my sister are choking on their laughter.

Mom: It’s li-bee-do and it means sex drive.

Lauren: You’re dumb.

Example Two: This happens all of the time so there’s no general timeframe, but I cannot pronounce the word “compromise.” I call it com-promise as in “com” and the word “promise.” I don’t know why the word isn’t just like that because it makes much more sense, but apparently whoever came up with compromise, couldn’t compromise and wanted a fancy pronunciation.

Example Three:

Me: WHOA! *wow-a*

My friend Bobby: What?

Me: WOW-A!

Bobby: It’s just whoa. There’s no “a.”

Me: There’s an “a” in the spelling.

Bobby: Just don’t talk.

Example Four: At a funeral.

Me: Mom is putting on her nurse facade. *hard “c”

Lauren: A what?

Me: A facade.

Lauren: It’s facade. *soft “c”.

Me: My whole life has been altered.

Not great.

That’s Katja creeping in the background. Where she belongs!! Just kidding Katja!

Also, I should be famous. I would be the best famous person. Not only do I have astronomical talents, but I have a slightly diva attitude that would work well in that industry. Plus, my personality is definitely larger than life that feels contained sometimes just living this life of a college student. People just don’t understand me. When I say I’m going to be famous they just look at me and walk away.

Angst. Angst. Like that Potter Puppet Pals. See, I’m perfect for theatre!

This is Bandit. He is smarter than me.


2 thoughts on “How Do You Say…?

  1. I can’t properly say “apocalypse” or “apocalyptic.” I always add an extra P, as in “apopaclypse” or something else retarded sounding. So don’t feel bad. BTW, I now prefer the word “dystopian” as a perfectly suitable, pronouncable substitute. : )

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