Dear Weight Watchers,
It’s not you, it’s me. And I mean that. You see, it’s been quite the past year between the two of us. You changed my life for the better and words will never be able to describe just what you have helped me to do.
90 pounds down in one year. Life lessons learned. You saved my life.
What’s the problem then? Well, you see, 90 pounds lost is amazing. Incredible. Much more than I ever thought possible. But I still have a bit more to go. How much? I’m uncertain, but right now I’m focusing on those last ten pounds.
This summer, I didn’t gain one ounce and I can’t say I wasn’t a little heavy-handed on the ice cream scooper. See, summer is my hard time. For some people, it’s the holiday season but for me it’s the warmth. I so much as sniff a flower growing and I want ice cream. But because of what I learned from you, I knew to take what I wanted and didn’t overindulge elsewhere like I would have done in the past.
But the problem is, I didn’t lose an ounce either. Now, I know that once I get down to a certain point, weight loss will be slower. But I haven’t lost a pound since June 1 and it’s time I stop thinking that my pace has slowed naturally and start realizing that there’s something deeper I need to address.
It’s not so much that you’re the problem as you are aiding my problem. As I have discussed before on this blog, lately I can’t get out of my own way. I now know why that is. I’m being obsessive. I’m regressing into past issues with obsessive compulsive disorder and anxiety and I’m obsessively following a plan without realizing what I’m doing.
I’m not living in the moment. I’m not realizing me in that moment.
Changes must happen now and I think it’s time I try it on my own. I’m giving it a month to measure how I do. If I start gaining back weight or feel like it’s not working, then I’ll come back to you in an instant. But I’m really hoping that’s not the case.
See, it’s not an issue at all. You did all I asked of you and more. Maybe you were a little too good at your job. You taught me how to eat right, to exercise more, and have portion and self-control. You kept me in line and made me aware of my habits. You helped me lose 90 pounds, but we both know that the depth of what losing that 90 pounds means is much deeper than my weight.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it 1,000,000 times more. You saved my life. You gave me hope. You made me realize me and my potential.
I think it’s time I start listening to those instincts you helped me hone on my own. I need to listen to my body, mind, and soul. I need to do it without the points and without the system. I need to just feel. And because of you and because of me, because of what we did together, I know I can do this.
The fact that I stopped losing weight at 90 pounds is not the biggest issue. Yes, I’d like to lose a bit more and get more toned, but that’s not the most important thing to me.
Being at this standstill and blindly following without the awareness has made me lose sight of what I have done. I’m too focused on the end result and to be honest, I still don’t know exactly what the end result is.
I need to focus on the journey. I need to be aware of every moment. I need to listen to my instincts, signals, and feelings.
Just know that without you, none of this happens. Not the beginning, the middle, nor the end. I’m not saying you don’t work because clearly you do. It’s just time, like any great parent/mentor-child/mentee relationship. You need to let me go. And I need to be confident that I can do things on my own.
My journey has not ended, it’s just taking a different path. And maybe there will come a time when our paths meet again.
But I think we’re both hoping that won’t be the case.
Goodbye dear friend, and thank you for my life.