one year

Auntie Bea

Dear Auntie Bea,

A year is a long time and yet, it hasn’t felt like any time has passed at all. I miss you. It’s that simple. But your presence in my life is ever-lasting.

I think of you often, in that proverbial ‘I miss her so much’ kind of way, but in other ways too. Blowing up the air mattress because “I don’t want to spoil the punchline, but…Mac popped the air mattress;” ordering chicken parm at a restaurant because you’d laugh and say you expected nothing less; whiskey because it was your go-to drink, ice on the side, so you didn’t get stiffed; going to a movie because it was our thing, right before Thanksgiving; and Thanksgiving and Christmas because holidays don’t feel real without you sitting in your chair;  watching ‘The Good Wife’ because you loved that show; playing board games because you were competitive and funny and always up for a good time; eating at Bea Bea’s pancake diner because it was our nickname for you; lounging on the beach, any beach, and thinking of the Cape; sitting in a library because you were once banned from one for complaining about the wifi during read-aloud time; feeling cold because you’d yell at us to shut the door and throw on multiple blankets; attending the Women’s March because you were one of the strongest women I’ve ever known; hearing ‘Happy Birthday’ sung out loud because no one did it as beautifully terrible as you; eating ice cream with joy; flipping the bird at poor driving; calling someone ‘fresh’; acting fresh; being brave, confident, and happy; and in so many more ways, every single day.

A lot has changed over the year since you’ve been gone. You’ve probably seen it all, so I won’t get into it. But here’s the thing. A few years ago, you said how important it was for us to laugh and cherish the good times because this was how you wanted to be remembered. I never anticipated the day that we’d have to say goodbye, and I still can’t believe it’s already been a year, but you were right. We remember the good times. They were great times and they are cherished. You are cherished and loved and missed.

So thank you for being with me then. And thank you for staying with me now.

Love,

Caitlin

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